Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize