God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
