Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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