So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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