If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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