My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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