You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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