im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize