Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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