Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
