he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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