FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
