I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
