You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
