i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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