I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
