God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
