11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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