Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
