Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
