Grow some girl-balls and come out already
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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