Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
