I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he puts the penis in happiness.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
