I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
