I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
