I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
