I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
