Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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