Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
