If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
