oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize