we're chasing vodka with high fives
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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