It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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