Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
