At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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