the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
