ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
