Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
