I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
