your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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