we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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