yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
