Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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