It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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