I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Randomize
