nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
