he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize