I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
