Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
