you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
