Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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