lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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