about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
