There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
