There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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