here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
