I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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