I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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