Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
