Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
