I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
