wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
