New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize