We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
