i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet he comes in French.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
