when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
