her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
