Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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